我發現自己每次作吃重的蹲舉訓練前，都很焦慮。這就像是要跟女孩子出去約會前，或是工作面試前那種緊張焦慮感。

我並不是怕那個女孩，或怕槓鈴的重量；我其實是怕面對「孱弱的自己」。而不論是現在（訓練前），還是訓練過後，我最終都得面對。

健美運動具有的後設自信危機本質，帶來這樣的矛盾情結：

如果我打破個人紀錄，那麼目前的自我，就會被新的自我粉碎，也就是說，現在的我，其實是孱弱的，而應該恐懼不安。

要是我希望，但沒打破個人紀錄，那就表示我對自己的觀感有缺失，因此，現在也應該惶惶不安。

所以不論是哪種情況，我都慘了。

I realized that every time before a heavy squat workout, I feel anxious. I reckon It's the same kind of anxiety that you feel before a date with a girl, or when you have a job interview.

I'm not really afraid of the girl, or the weights; What I'm really afraid of is confronting with the weaker version of myself...and this happens either NOW or AFTER the workout.

This is the paradox brought on by the meta and self-conscious nature of bodybuilding:

If I get a PR, then my current ego would be destroyed by the new one, which means I'm really the coward right now and should be scared. But if I don't get a PR but is expecting to get one, then my current perception of myself is flawed and I should be scared too, right now.

So either way I'm screwed.