Dealing with Ego Backlash

The brighter the light, the dirtier the windshield.

The only reason why you aren’t abiding in the True Self, which is vaster than sky, is because of the stuff on the inside that you are afraid to look at.

Moving Forward Doesn’t Always Feel Good

During this process of shredding the mind, sometimes it feels like you’re going backward, but you’re actually progressing by going into the deeper layers of the subconscious.

Each time you have an opening to spacious awareness, more of your “stuff” - neurosis and delusions come up. After allowing them to dissolve through awareness, it becomes even more vast, spacious, and luminous. And the clearer you can see the next layer of solidity.

While doing body scanning, you might have a session where you feel dull and solidified, followed by another session where your entire body dissolves.

The next session your body might contract back again. Perhaps more so than before because the more the “ego” shrinks, the more it’ll fight back and the stronger it’ll cling on for survival, manifesting as more fear and anxiety.

And then boom! The next session you bounce back from hell and feel like a God, experiencing the biggest opening yet, and the insights become even more clear.

We All Go Through Cycle of Wakefulness

You go through cycles and cycles and layers after layers of this process of expansion and contraction.

Each time you establish a new baseline, no matter how much pain and suffering you continue to endure, it stays permanent because what has seen cannot be unseen.

And you use that as the new ground to continue the dissolution and gain deeper Insights into Reality until finally the center permanently drops away. Without the “point”, the circumference also collapses, and you become vast and boundless without any separation.

The wave of wakefulness goes up in a zig-zag line.

Every time you wake down, you wake up just a little bit more, and you integrate it and do it again and again.

Like fitness, awakening is all about deloading and transcending, and most of all, failing.

We fail to find ourselves as we expect to find ourselves. We fail over and over until run out of options. But if we fail well, maybe we just fall into our True Nature.